I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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