There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
