We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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