so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
