Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
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She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
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I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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