it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
