I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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