I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
