Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
