Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
