I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
