I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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