my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
