tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
