I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
