not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
