he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
