can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
