I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
