I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I party with great urgency now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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