My friends, they love my intelligence
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
