Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
