Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
