Nicole vs. Life
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
