I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
