I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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