That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
