So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
