Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
