I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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