just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
