I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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