It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
