Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
