I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
