Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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