you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
