Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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