Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
