Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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