his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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