When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
