I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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