that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
