I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we made out on top of his cat.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I need to wash the frat house off of me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
