I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
