They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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