ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
