I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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