Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
