john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
do herpes really smell.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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