Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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