Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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