so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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