Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
