spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
