similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
