I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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