They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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