so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
