I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
