my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
