you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
