i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
