Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Damn victory sex feels great
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
