She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
