this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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