Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
