I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
