did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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