It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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