he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
