did you get engaged???
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
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He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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