So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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