you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
