I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
